Letting Go

Inner sense

Cervix tightened once more
Such clear communication from the temple door
Inner protection
Inner peace
Juice can now flow in
Sweet release


Tobacco offered with Gratitude

The last breath,
A deep inhale returns a memory
Of the Jersey girl’s sister
Assuaging her guilt of giving in to the youngsters plea
To join in her habit.

As rising vomit was choked down
The young woman spoke to the twelve year old girls,
‘I should make you finish it
That way you won’t try it again’

Three years later in a horse’s field
I promptly lay down after the first puff
Knees collapsing as I sunk to the earth
Committing to a sixteen year long partnership with the chemically induced herb

A two year on / off battle ended that relationship,
Pride and disdain took the place of the grip of niccotine
Later relief and gratitude came in by the back door;
As more was felt and less was held in….

Until a wild summer two cycles ago
When at a premature funeral
A congregation of ‘ex’ smokers gathered outside as they always had
To share a handmade fag
The depth of the inhale, its intoxicating release
And the freedom from control
Led to wild debauchery,
Free love and experimental passion

One cigarette a year became the new normal
Enjoyed in far away exotic lands
Until the meeting of the rebellious stranger
For whom she undermined her plans
Within six months the old normal had returned
And she watched herself with fascination
Reliving parts of her life
She’d believed she had forever left.

And now she moves again towards healing
Asking for grace and holding from the skies
To reach the top of the tree for which she is destined
To no longer waste time in compromise